Coon Girl
by Walter Bryan Cranston White
Summary: Heidi Turner joins The Freedom Pals. Causing discomfort for her ex Eric Cartman


The Coon (Narrating): Dark times have come to America. Too many School Shootings, Brie Larson and the legalisation of weed, which should be good but it's the hippies ultimate power source. Anthony and Joe Russo. They made the highest grossing movie of all time, Avengers Endgame. Which made this year into something decent. That's why we need them, to help us kickstart the Coon and Friends franchise.

Doctor Timothy: _Freedom Pals!_

The Coon: Stop interrupting my narration!

Toolshed: You're not narrating Cartman, you're talking to yourself.

The Coon: Isn't that narrating?

Human Kite: No fat ass. They usually do it in their head.

The Coon: What are you Khal the creator of narrating

Human Kite: No! So can you shut up and let Doctor Timothy finish?

Doctor Timothy: _Thank you Human Kite. Oh I heard you mention Anthony and Joe Russo could help us kickstart our franchise._

The Coon: Yeah.

Doctor Timothy: _Just face it Eric. It will be impossible to get them to come here._

The Coon: Says every celebrity we've encountered!

Call Girl hits The Coon with her selfie stick.

Doctor Timothy: _Thanks Call Girl. Let's continue, let's discuss franchise plans. Any ideas?_

Mosquito: We could make them R.

The Coon: R rated movies don't make a billion dollars Clyde.

O'Malley: **Says It, Deadpool and Passion of The Christ.**

**(Authors Note: O'Malley is Clyde's evil side. And his name is a reference to Red Vs Blue).**

Doctor Timothy: _They didn't make a billion dollars Clyde. Those three just became the highest grossing R rated movies of all time. Any other suggestions?_

Mysterion: We could make them dark.

The Coon: We're not like DC Mysterion, we're like Marvel.

Doctor Timothy: _Well Mysterion and Coon seem like movies that could be turned into dark movies._

Toolshed: What about Toolshed?

Tupperware: No, you're to ridiculous to have a dark and gritty movie.

Toolshed: But Batman had a dark and gritty movie.

Doctor Timothy: _I promise we'll make your Toolshed and Call Girl spin off dark._

Call Girl: But I thought we agreed it should be a romantic comedy, like Ant Man and The Wasp.

Super Craig: No. A romantic super hero movie was supposed to be mine and Wonder Tweek's.

Wonder Tweek: I don't know Craig, maybe Toolshed and Call Girl are more likely to have a romantic comedy spin off about them. Since they seem to have more of a romantic appeal than we do.

Super Craig: It was supposed to be ours Tweek.

Doctor Timothy: _You'll get your own._

Super Craig: No! It should be mine and Tweek's. We appeal to the gay demographic so we should be the only ones to have a romantic comedy.

Call Girl: Stop being a dick Craig.

Doctor Timothy: _Enough! I'm sorry Craig. But we've settled on a Call Girl and Toolshed spin off._

Super Craig flips off Doctor Timothy.

Doctor Timothy: Now. Any other ideas. Any ideas on how we could appeal to the female demographic?

Every member started to think.

Captain Diabetes: Us guys could get a shirtless scene in each movie.

Jimmy: W-w-What?

Captain Diabetes: Haven't you guys even notice in every superhero with a male lead, the main guy always has a scene where he doesn't where a shirt?

Tupperware: How is taking our shirts off gonna appeal to the female demographic?

Call Girl: It doesn't at all. Unless it was Toolshed.

Toolshed: Huh?

Call Girl: Just take your shirt off.

Toolshed: What?

Call Girl: What?

Doctor Timothy: _I agree with Call Girl, just because us guys have our shirts off doesn't exactly appeal to the female demographic, it makes guys jealous about their weight and also I doubt anyone would wanna see The Coon shirtless._

The Coon: Ay. I'll have you know I am buffer than all of you. If anyone should not have a shirtless scene it's Clyde.

Mosquito throws a mug at The Coon.

The Coon falls off his chair.

The Coon: Clyde. What the fuck?!

Mosquito: That wasn't me. That was O'Malley.

Doctor Timothy: _Any other ideas?_

They all sat thinking.

Call Girl: Well we could get another female member.

The Coon: Well that idea sounds good Windy, but I don't think we need another-

Doctor Timothy: _Shut up Eric. Keep talking Call Girl._

Call Girl: Well, I personally think we could get another female member so we can gain more and more of a female audience.

Super Craig: I prefer Scott's plan.

Wonder Tweek: Yeah. She only suggested it so she can hang out with her girlfriends.

The Coon: Yeah! And besides we already have one. We don't need another, I mean look at The Avengers. They only needed one female member and they still made a billion dollars.

Call Girl: Guardians of The Galaxy have a couple of female members. The Avengers also have a few female members. The X-Men have a few-

The Coon: We get your point Windy.

Doctor Timothy: _Adding another female member does sound like a good idea. So let's go with that._

The Coon: Doctor Timothy but I don't think some of us agree.

Doctor Timothy: _Alright since you want to be fair, for some reason, we'll vote. All in favour of another female member_

Toolshed, Call Girl, Doctor Timothy, Human Kite, Mysterion, Mosquito and Tupperware put their hands up.

Doctor Timothy: _And all in favour of no 2nd female member._

Fastpass, Captain Diabetes, Super Craig, Wonder Tweek and The Coon put their hands up.

Doctor Timothy: _Than it is settled. We'll hold auditions this Saturday. Call Girl I need you to put the word out on Coonstagram._

Call Girl: Got it.

Call Girl got her phone out.

Doctor Timothy: _Super Craig, Wonder Tweek. I need you to print out some pamphlets and post them around town._

Super Craig: Fine.

Wonder Tweek: Having another female member on our group is too much pressure!

Super Craig: Take it easy honey.

Super Craig and Wonder Tweek leave.

The Coon: This is not gonna end well you guys.

Human Kite: Fuck off Coon.

Saturday.

Doctor Timothy, Toolshed, Call Girl and Human Kite were the judges and had their own judges chair and table.

Doctor Timothy: _Alright. First up._

The first one was Nichole and she was wearing blue goggles with jeans and a brain symbol on her shirt.

Nichole: My name is Brain Wave.

Doctor Timothy: _And what are your super powers?_

Nichole: I have telepathic powers.

Doctor Timothy: _I'm already a telepath._

Nichole: Yeah. But I can cause damage to your brain.

Doctor Timothy: _So can I._

Nichole: But I can cause the brain to melt.

Doctor Timothy: _So can I._

Toolshed: Ok can we stop with this contest you two and vote? I say she's through to the next round, anyone else?

Call Girl: Yeah.

Human Kite: Yeah.

Doctor Timothy: _No! Shit, I'm outvoted. Ok. You're through to the next round._

Human Kite: Next.

Trish Tucker (Craig's sister) was next.

Trish was wearing a pamphlet that had the letter T on.

Toolshed: What is your name?

Trish: My name is Super Trish.

Super Craig showed up.

Super Craig: No! No! No! No!

Human Kite: What's wrong?

Super Craig: I'm not having my sister as a superhero.

Trish: Mom says you have to play nice to me.

Super Craig: I'll buy you an ice cream.

Trish flips off Super Craig.

Super Craig flips Trish back.

Super Craig leaves.

Toolshed: Shall we just say she's through to the next round to piss off Craig.

Human Kite: Yeah.

Doctor Timothy: _Yeah._

Call Girl: I would usually call you out for that Stan, but yeah. Let's let her through to the next round.

Human Kite: Next.

Next was Shelly dressed in a Superman outfit.

Shelly: My name is the Turd Crusher. And I crush anyone who gets into my way by breaking every single bone in their body and than I set them on fire and than put them out after that.

The judges sat in fear.

Human Kite: I think we should all vote yes for her.

Toolshed: Why Kyle?

Human Kite: To be honest I don't want my insides turned to jello.

Toolshed: Come on guys, first off her outfit is a Superman costume and she is too scary for our team.

Shelly than threw a chair at Toolshed.

Call Girl: Stan!

Toolshed had a nose bleed.

Toolshed: I think she broke my nose.

Doctor Timothy: _Um! You are totally not through._

Shelly: YOU TURD! Wait are you crippled?

Doctor Timothy: _Yeah._

Shelly: Ooooooo! I'll just go home and watch Captain Marvel.

Shelly left.

Human Kite: Boy she's a bigger bitch than Brie Larson.

About 6 auditions later.

Toolshed: Ok. We've had 9 auditions and 7 of them managed to make it through the next round, one of them didn't and the other was Butters in disguise.

Butters was in a jail cell.

Butters: Come on fellas. I could've made a good member.

Doctor Timothy: _You were just trying to infiltrate us._

The Coon: Find anyone worthy?

Human Kite: Some of them have been average and others are just cheap copies of other members.

The Coon: Face it Windy. This was a bad idea.

Call Girl sighed in disappointment.

Toolshed stroked her hair to comfort her.

This gave Call Girl a small smile.

Tupperware: Alright guys. We have one more.

Doctor Timothy: _Send her in._

The last one who came to audition was Heidi Turner; dressed in an outfit similar to The Coon.

Heidi: Hi.

The Coon: No! No! No! No!

Human Kite: Cartman!

The Coon: But it's Heidi!

Call Girl: So?!

The Coon: So? So? She's wearing an outfit similar to The Coon!

Human Kite: That's not the problem, you feel uncomfortable around her because she broke up with you and now she's going out with me.

The Coon: Da fuck?! That's not the reason!

Toolshed: Than what is it?

The Coon: None of your business asshole!

Heidi: Is it because I'm wearing a costume you made for me?

Call Girl: You made that? I find that hard to believe.

Doctor Timothy: _Alright. What's your superhero name?_

Heidi: My name is Coon Girl.

The Coon: No. Your name is the bitch who's giving a bad name to The Coon.

Doctor Timothy rolled his eyes.

Doctor Timothy: _Please continue._

Heidi: My powers; well they're basically the same as The Coon's.

Toolshed: And I'm assuming you have the same backstory as The Coon? Where his Mom got fucked by a raccoon and that's why he's like this.

Heidi: No, Eric that's fucking stupid.

The Coon: No it isn't hoe.

Human Kite: Don't call my girlfriend a hoe.

The Coon: Shut up Jew.

Heidi: Shut up Eric! My origin; I was bitten by a radioactive raccoon whilst out on a night stroll and when my dog Robby got killed by a drunk driver. I vowed to use my powers for good.

Call Girl: Wow! That actually sounds better and I love that your driven by the death of your dog to fight crime.

The Coon: Hello! John Wick called, he wants his character arc back.

Doctor Timothy: _Thank you Heidi._

The Coon: This is bullshit! Why did you allow her to make it to the next round?

Doctor Timothy: _Because she was worthy of being our new member._

The Coon: Well she better not be our new member!

Call Girl: Well that's not up to you to decide. It's up to us.

The Coon: Fine you assholes!

The Coon left,

Toolshed: Hey Wendy. What we're doing is a great idea.

Call Girl: Thanks Stan.

Human Kite: So who shall be our new member?

Doctor Timothy: _That'll be up to us to decide._

The next day.

The Freedom Pals were chatting.

Tupperware: I wonder who our new member's gonna be?

Captain Diabetes: I heard a rumour it was gonna be Nichole.

Tupperware: I hope so. Because Nichole's been begging me to spend time with her.

Doctor Timothy, Toolshed, Call Girl and Human Kite enter the base.

Super Craig: So who's the new member? It better not be my sister.

Wonder Tweek: Aaahhhh! Having your sister as a member is too much pressure!

Human Kite: Alright. Care to do the introductions Timmy?

Doctor Timothy: _Freedom Pals, I would like to introduce you to our 2nd female member._

The Coon (Whispering and praying): Please don't let be Heidi. Please don't let be Heidi. Please ignore the title it's not gonna be Heidi.

Doctor Timothy: _Heidi Turner AKA Coon Girl._

Suddenly smoke bombs exploded and Heidi appeared posing.

Doctor Timothy: _There's no need to be a show off._

Heidi: Sorry.

The Coon: No! No! No! No!

Human Kite: Fat ass!

The Coon: What?!

Human Kite: Don't you dare!

Doctor Timothy: We have your seat reserved next to Human Kite as requested by Human Kite.

Toolshed, Human Kite, Coon Girl and Call Girl took a seat.

Doctor Timothy: _Alright first order of business. Super Craig, Wonder Tweek, Tupperware, Mosquito and Fast Pass, I need you 5 to patrol CtPaTown._

Fast Pass: On-on-on-on it.

Super Craig, Wonder Tweek, Mosquito, Fast Pass and Tupperware head off for CtPaTown.

Doctor Timothy: _Alright. Coon Girl for your first assignment I'd like you and The Coon to patrol downtown._

Heidi: What?!

The Coon: What?!

Doctor Timothy: _It has become apparent that you two don't trust each other. So I'm assigning you two to work together._

The Coon: Fine. Come on Jew skank.

Human Kite grabbed The Coon.

Human Kite: If you do anything to her. I will massacre you! I will fuck you up!

The Coon: Ok.

Human Kite lets go of The Coon.

The Coon and Coon Girl exit the base.

Doctor Timothy: _Toolshed, Call Girl I want you two to keep an eye on them two and make sure they don't kill each other._

Toolshed: Alright. Come on babe.

Toolshed and Call Girl leave the base.

Human Kite: Wait Timmy, shouldn't I be the one to keep a watch on them two since Heidi's my girlfriend?

Doctor Timothy: _No! Your emotions will just get the best of you._

Human Kite: But-

Doctor Timothy: _Human Kite, orders are orders._

Toolshed and Call Girl re-enter the base after hearing what Human Kite said.

Toolshed: Trust us Kyle, Heidi will be safe.

Human Kite: Alright Stan, just make sure she doesn't get hurt.

Toolshed: I promise.

Toolshed and Call Girl exit.

Human Kite pulls a worried look.

Doctor Timothy: _She'll be fine Kyle._

Meanwhile.

The Coon and Coon Girl were walking downtown patrolling.

Unknowingly being watched by Call Girl and Toolshed from above.

Call Girl does a parkour jump to the next building.

Toolshed jumped, but he was hanging from the ledge.

Call Girl helped Toolshed up.

Call Girl: You know if you worked out more, than you won't be struggling like this.

Toolshed: And be an amazing show off?

Call Girl gives Toolshed a friendly punch.

Call Girl: Oh you.

They stare at each other.

Toolshed: Lets just keep an eye on Mr & Mrs Smith.

Call Girl: Yeah. That's important.

On the ground.

The Coon was grunting.

He continued grunting.

Coon Girl: Do you wanna say something?

The Coon: I don't know. Do you enjoy watching me suffer bitch?!

Coon Girl: You just can't be happy. You think the world revolves around you!

The Coon: Well you wanted me to kill myself!

Coon Girl: No I didn't and you weren't really gonna kill yourself, you just emotionally blackmailed me! Do you have any idea how I felt?! I felt scared and worried and when I realised you just blackmailed me, I felt like a such a fool! I loved you than, but you were nice. But what made you hate me? What?

Toolshed: She does have a point, what made Cartman hate her?

The Coon: You were too needy.

Coon Girl: I wasn't needy. You want someone who's needy, Wendy is too needy.

Call Girl: Oh! The bitch. Stan am I needy?

Toolshed: What? No.

The Coon: And you were boring!

Coon Girl: If I was boring, why did you stay with me?

The Coon: I don't know.

Coon Girl: I know why. Because when you were with me, I stuck up for you, so that's why you kept me around, so I can defend your actions!.

The Coon: You know whilst we were arguing a 6th grader stole Peter Mullen's wallet.

Coon Girl: Huh?

Peter Mullen: Somebody stop him!

They turn around and see a 6th grade running away with a wallet.

The Coon: I got this.

The Coon started to chase the 6th grader.

The Coon chased the 6th grader through an alleyway and the 6th grader turned left and ran to CtPaTown.

The 6th grader ran into the corner of City Wok.

The Coon followed and The Coon got hit by a trash can.

6th Grader: Stupid fat forthy.

The Coon: I'm not fat.

6th grader: I'm gonna do a lot of things to you forthy. I'm gonna give you a titty twister, a Chinese burn and I'll-

Suddenly the 6th grader was knocked out.

The Coon: Huh?

The 6th grader was knocked out by Coon Girl.

Coon Girl: Saved ya.

Tupperware, Fast Pass, Mosquito, Super Craig and Wonder Tweek show up.

Super Craig: Heidi. Did you just defeat a 6th grader?

Coon Girl: Yeah.

Tupperware: Not bad for a rookie.

Coon Girl: Thanks.

Later.

Doctor Timothy: _And I would like to congratulate Mosquito for bringing the recipe for his Mom's delicious lemon bars. She will be proud that her lemon bars are still living._

Mosquito: Oh. You're making me emotional.

O'Malley: **Don't be a pussy fool.**

Mosquito: Shut up O'Malley!

Doctor Timothy: _But that's not all. We would like to congratulate Coon Girl for taking out her first 6th grader. Let's give her a hand._

Everyone (Except The Coon) started applauding.

Doctor Timothy: _Care to say a few words Coon Girl?_

Coon Girl: Well I don't really have a few words. But you look like you want me to say a few words. Well if it wasn't for Doctor Timothy, Toolshed, Call Girl and the cutest alien Jew in the universe, Human Kite, than I wouldn't be here. And if it wasn't for The Coon being the arrogant fool that he is, I wouldn't have taken out that bastard.

Everyone (Except The Coon) started applauding.

Doctor Timothy: Would you like to show your support Coon?

The Coon flips Doctor Timothy off.

Super Craig: It's not just Coon Girl beating on 6th graders that's special. She's made the front page.

Doctor Timothy: _Already?_

Super Craig shows the news paper

The headline reads "Who is The Coon?"

The Coon: What?!

Captain Diabetes: Read it!

Super Craig: A mysterious hero dubbed The Coon has been spotted beating on 6th grader Pete Matona, who stole 4th grader, Pete Mullen's wallet. Not only did The Coon return Pete Mullen's wallet but The Coon also saved some fat kid dressed like Catwoman, but with a cape.

The Coon: Enough!

Doctor Timothy: _Why, what's the matter Catwoman?_

Everyone started laughing.

The Coon: Fuck all of you! I'm the Coon and she's not!

Doctor Timothy: _Do you wanna be called The Coon, Heidi?_

Coon Girl: No! I prefer Coon Girl, but I'll just let the media call me whatever they want.

The Coon: No! I'm The Coon and you're giving a bad name to it!

Toolshed: She is not, you're just being a whiny baby Cartman.

The Coon: Fuck You Stan!

Doctor Timothy: _Eric, get out!_

The Coon: Fine!

The Coon left.

Stotch residence.

The Coon was knocking on the Stotch's door.

Stephen answered.

The Coon was speaking in a raspy voice.

The Coon: Hello Mr Stotch. Is your son home?

Stephen: Yes. Why? Has he done something? Does he deserve a grounding?

The Coon: No! I just need to talk to him.

Stephen: Ok. Butters your fat friend is here.

The Coon: What are you talking about? I am not his fat friend, I am The Coon!

Stephen: You're not The Coon. The Coon is much skinnier than you.

The Coon: I had the name "The Coon" first! Fuck it!

The Coon went upstairs to Butters' room.

Butters: Hey Eric. Is there a problem?

The Coon: Butters, I need to speak to Professor Chaos.

Butters: Sorry Eric. I can't get Professor Chaos.

The Coon: Why the fuck not?!

Butters: Because Professor Chaos has company.

Nelly: Babe! Who is it?

Butters: It's just Eric.

Nelly: Why are you dressed like Catwoman?

The Coon: Mind your own business bitch. I wanna speak with Professor Chaos.

Nelly: Who's Professor Chaos?

Butters: Somebody I don't want you to meet.

Nelly: Is he a super villain?

Butters: Yes he is.

Nelly: Can I meet him?

Nelly puts her arms around Butters.

Nelly: I would pretty much like to meet him.

Butters: Oh ok.

Butters went into his closet, as he was doing it he was talking.

Butters: I am the bringer of destruction, the tyrant of America, the ruler of all weaklings, I am...

Butters exited the closet.

Professor Chaos: Professor Chaos!

Nelly: Oooo. Scary.

The Coon: Yes! He is gay and scary can I talk with him?

Nelly: Ok. Hey Professor, keep the costume on when I get back.

Nelly left the room.

Professor Chaos: What can I do for you Coon?! Or should I say Catwoman with a cape?

The Coon: Where did you hear that name?

Professor Chaos: Professor Chaos reads news too you know?

The Coon: I need your help into taking out Coon Girl.

Professor Chaos: Who?

The Coon: The bitch who's taking my name away from me.

Professor Chaos: Oh! It's a girl?

The Coon: Yes and her name is Heidi Turner.

Professor Chaos: Oh I see what's going on. You want revenge on her for breaking up with you.

The Coon: No. For letting the media steal my name away from me and giving it to her.

Professor Chaos: What is it to do with me?

The Coon: Because I can't do it alone Chaos.

Professor Chaos: Very well! I will help you, as soon as I've done with this date.

The Coon: Very well Chaos. I'll let you finish. I'll see you later, Professor Faggot.

The Coon jumps out of the window.

Professor Chaos: Is the costume really gay?

Nelly enters.

Nelly: I just assumed you were done.

Professor Chaos: Well you were right. Is my costume gay?

Nelly: No! No! You look cool and kind of sexy.

Professor Chaos: Thanks honey.

Nelly: It makes me wanna go bad.

Professor Chaos: Please don't go bad. I don't want you to-

Nelly started kissing Professor Chaos.

Nelly: Am I being a bad girl?

Professor Chaos: No.

Nelly: Do you want me to go bad?

Professor Chaos: Not really. Do you want to be a super villain?

Nelly: Maybe.

Nelly and Professor Chaos went back to kissing each other.

Later.

Turner residence.

Heidi entered her house.

Mr Turner was watching TV.

Mr Turner: Hey sweetie.

Heidi: Hey Daddy.

Mr Turner: I think you better stay off the street at night from now on, I don't know about this "Coon" going around.

Heidi: What's wrong with her Daddy?

Mr Turner: How are you so sure The Coon is a she?

Heidi: Um... It's just a guess Dad.

Mr Turner: Yeah. I suppose so. Oh by the way, somebody left a DVD for you.

Heidi notices the DVD on the kitchen table.

Heidi picked up the DVD and went upstairs in her room and placed it in her DVD player.

The DVD started playing showing footage of Human Kite being tied up.

Professor Chaos showed up reading a piece of paper.

Professor Chaos: _Hello, Coon Girl. I have the boy you love as a hostage. If you want him come and find him! Hey you sure you want her to find us?_

The Coon: _Yes asshole!_

Professor Chaos: _Ignore that, that was just Harvey Weinstein_

The Coon: _How am I like Harvey Weinstein?_

Professor Chaos: _You're psychotic and fat. Sorry! If you want him, he is being held hostage at the South Park Mall! So come and find him or his stupid Jewish brains will be all over the wall. Tick tock, tick tock, tick-Wait we have a bomb!?_

Footage stops playing.

Heidi: Oh! That son of a bitch! I would kill myself if Kyle dies.

Heidi got into her Coon Girl costume when all of a sudden her phone started ringing.

And it was Kyle who was ringing.

Heidi got confused by this discovery and answered it.

Heidi: Hey...babe.

Kyle: Hey honey. Just wanted to call my favourite super hero.

Heidi: Oh stop calling me that.

Kyle: Than stop being my favourite super hero.

Heidi: You are so terrible at flirting.

Kyle: I know.

Heidi: Anyway. Are you being held by Butters?

Kyle: No. Why?

Heidi: Because Butters sent me a video that showed you being held hostage, I was worried that you were captured!

Kyle: Well I'm not, I'm talking to you.

Heidi: Well, I'll call you later. I'm gonna see what Butters is planning.

South Park Mall.

Coon Girl entered the abandoned mall, seeing every corner empty.

Suddenly she heard laughter.

Professor Chaos was at the top of the escalators.

Professor Chaos: Hello, Coon Girl. I have your man up here!

Coon Girl: Quit bullshitting me Butters, I know you aren't trying to kill me. You were dragged by Eric.

Professor Chaos: That's not true!

Coon Girl: It is.

Professor Chaos: You're right it is. Eric, she's onto you. You handle her.

Professor Chaos left.

The Coon: Butters! Da fuck?!You were supposed to help me!

Nelly passed The Coon wearing a Human Kite costume.

Nelly: See ya Fat ass! Hey Heidi.

Coon Girl: Hey Nelly. I see what you were doing Eric, you pretended Nelly was Kyle so you could lead me here.

The Coon: Than why did you come?

Coon Girl: Because I wanted to see what ridiculous scheme you were planning.

Professor Chaos: Oh Heidi. I recommend you get out! Because Eric has placed bombs all over the mall.

Heidi: What?!

Professor Chaos: Don't ask where he got them.

Heidi: I have to get out of here.

The mall doors locked.

Professor Chaos: I'm sorry Heidi. Eric threatened Nelly.

The Coon walked down the escalators and approached Coon Girl.

The Coon: Well! Well! Well! This is it, our final confrontation!

Coon Girl: You realise you'll die too?

The Coon: Whatever makes me kill you.

Coon Girl: I have to get out of here.

Suddenly The Coon tackled Coon Girl.

Coon Girl kicked The Coon in the back of the head and got up.

The Coon got up and tried to slash Coon Girl with his claws but she dodged them and punched him.

The Coon kicked Coon Girl and threw an empty water bottle at her.

Coon Girl used her claws to slice The Coon's chest.

A scratch showed up on The Coon's suit.

The Coon: I'm gonna kill you bitch!

Suddenly the mall started to explode.

Coon Girl: You weren't kidding about the bombs.

The Coon than punched Coon Girl a few times knocking her down.

The Coon: Now. I'm gonna kill you. You don't deserve the name of The Coon, I do.

Suddenly a piece of debris fell on The Coon knocking him out.

Coon Girl got up.

Coon Girl was about to escape, but stopped herself.

She looked at The Coon and approached his unconscious body and picked him up.

The body was heavy, but Heidi tried her best to keep ahold of him.

She threw his heavy body at the glass door breaking it.

She picked up The Coon's body and moved as fast as she could to evade the explosion. As soon as she made it to safety, the mall blew up.

A police car pulled up.

And Yates exited the car.

Yates: Oh for fuck sake! It had to be the night where I was playing Fortnite for the first time, the mall blows up.

Yates notices Coon Girl and The Coon.

Yates: Is he alright?

Coon Girl: A minor bump on the head but he'll be ok.

Yates: Thank you Coon.

Coon Girl: It's Coon Girl actually.

Yates: Did he cause the mall to blow up?

Coon Girl thought for a second.

Coon Girl: No. He didn't.

Yates: Fuck! Well somebody better tell me because I wanna defeat that kid on Fortnite who keeps calling me a retard.

Coon Girl: It was...

Stephen Stotch walks past.

Stephen: Hey, have any of you seen my son?

Coon Girl: That guy.

Stephen: Huh?

Yates: Freeze.

Yates holds his gun at Stephen.

Stephen puts his hands up.

Yates: You're under arrest for blowing up the South Park mall.

The next day.

South Park elementary.

Cartman was pouting my the tree, Cartman had a band aid on his head.

Heidi approached him.

Heidi: Hey.

Cartman: Hey.

Heidi: I think you owe me an apology.

Cartman: I don't.

Heidi: Why?

Cartman: Because you stole The Coon's name.

Heidi: It wasn't me. The media gave it to me.

Cartman: And you didn't tell them!

Heidi threw Cartman a newspaper.

The headline reads "Coon Girl is the new Mysterion"

Cartman: This doesn't change anything.

Heidi: I know.

Heidi started to walk away.

Cartman: Oh Heidi.

Heidi looked at Cartman.

Cartman: Thanks.

Heidi smiled.

Cartman: Thanks for letting me get hit on the head with debris bitch!

Heidi flipped Cartman off.

Cartman: Jew Skank!

Heidi walked off.

Cartman: Although, she did save my life.


End file.
